Postpone your Procrastination

We’ve all done it at some time or other. We put off our exercise routine until tomorrow; we continually delay finishing that project or starting that business.  Procrastination is the mother of all demons and can literally stop you in your tracks from achieving all that you desire. Keep reading for 4 ways to postpone your procrastination

FOUR WAYS TO POSTPONE YOUR PROCRASTINATION

Do it now

Hold your breath and jump right in! Putting things off until the last minute is a bad habit and like all habits is ingrained in our subconscious mind and hard to break. It feels like the normal thing to do, and we simply continue along our path. To complete a task immediately may even feel strange or like a forced action.

Take baby steps

Sometimes we procrastinate because the task may be intimidating to us. Perhaps we have no possible inkling on where to start. In these cases, it is quite fine to take it one step at a time. Say you are preparing a business plan and for the 5th time this week, you’ve turned on the PC and looked at the blank screen. Or you’ve just remembered you need to do some more research before you begin…you’re still not ready. You simply need to break down the project into smaller pieces and tackle each bit separately. Make each task an individual project and after completion of each one, celebrate and acknowledge your achievement.

“We all sorely complain of the shortness of time, and yet have much more than we know what to do with. Our lives are either spent in doing nothing at all, or in doing nothing to the purpose, or in doing nothing that we ought to do. We are always complaining that our days are few and acting as though there would be no end of them”.

Seneca

Forget it

Why force the issue? If you have been ‘dragging your feet’ on something for an awfully long time, it may all be for the best. Something somewhere is trying to tell you something. That something is your intuition, and it is usually right! Think about something that you have been putting off again and again and again. What are the reasons that you need to complete this task in the first place? Does someone want you to do this? What is THEIR agenda? What are YOUR reasons for this lengthy delay? I find it amazing that 99% of the time I put off doing something, I am thankful that I did!  Disregarding a project after a long period of procrastination is however usually a last resort.

Support team

Do you put off tasks because you feel that they are too big and complex for you to handle alone? Or because you need assistance? Be honest with yourself. “No man is an island”. Ask for help!

There are many resources out there that can provide you with all you need to carry out your job. If you’re a solo-professional and you put off answering emails, then don’t answer them yourself. Hire an assistant, find some college students that want experience, get a family member to help. Procrastinating on life changing activities could be because of fear of the unknown. Get a mastermind group together, find a mentor, join a support group, or hire a life coach. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. Just ensure that to kick this habit; you do what feels good to you in whatever method you choose. You’ll surely postpone procrastination for an awfully long time.

If you have a job to do,
Do it now!
If it’s one you wish were through,
Do it now!
Do not hem and haw and groan
Buckle down to it alone!

If you have a job to do,
Do it now!

annonymous

IS YOUR PEOPLE PICKER BROKEN?

Is your people picker broken?  Do you move from one bad relationship to the next? Do you wonder why you seem to attract all the jerks? Let’s look at healthy vs unhealthy relationships.

Steve Arterburn from New Life Live gives us these contrasts healthy and unhealthy relationships. Understanding these contrasts can help us understand how healthy relationships work and how we can grow toward them.

HEALTHY VS UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

REALITY VS. FANTASY

 Healthy relationships are reality based. Each person is aware of his own strengths and weaknesses. On the other hand, unhealthy relationships are based on fantasy. What could be or should be replaces what is.

COMPLETING VS. FINDING COMPLETION

In a healthy relationship, each person finds joy in sharing in the other person’s growth, in playing a role in ‘completing’ the other.  In an unhealthy relationship the focus is on completing oneself.

FRIENDSHIP VS. VICTIMIZATION

A healthy relationship can be described as two good friends becoming better friends. The strongest and most successful relationships ‘even the most passionate and romantic marriages have this kind of true friendship at the base. Where this base of true friendship is absent, the relationship is shallow and susceptible to being marked by victimization.

SACRAFICE VS. DEMAND FOR SACRIFICE

Healthy relationships flow from sacrifice of self.  On the other hand, unhealthy relationships demand sacrifice from our partner than to sacrificing ourselves.  It’s one thing to love another when the going is easy. But character and depth are wrought in a relationship when love requires the surrender of preference and privilege. Nothing strengthens a relationship like sacrifice.

FORGIVENESS VS. RESENTMENT

Forgiveness is a miraculous gift between two people. Therefore, a relationship flourishes when we are willing to forgive past hurts and disappointments. Refusing to forgive is like carrying around a garbage bag full of hurts of the past. Every time someone makes a mistake, we toss it into the bag and carry it with us forever.  There are no garbage bags in healthy relationships.

SECURITY VS. FEAR

Security is rare. Often people come from such insecure childhoods they can only hope that their adult life will include a relationship that allows them to rest in the arms of someone who really cares. When we shift from trying to use others to satisfy our security needs to trying to meet the security needs of others, we find ourselves in a new dimension. We are focusing on their needs and filling their doubts and fears with the reassurance of our consistent behavior. We calm their fears by being reliable. Becoming, in a word, loving other-focused and totally selfless. That is the kind of love that drives out fear and provides genuine security.

VULNERABLITY VS. DEFENSIVENESS

Healthy relationships allow you to be vulnerable.  It is wonderful to be vulnerable, to do an emotional free fall and have someone there to catch you. In a relationship characterized by fear, just the opposite happens. There is a need to build up a wall of defensiveness. Therefore, if you do not protect yourself, after all, you will be violated, robbed of your identity, controlled, or smothered. The dynamics of defensiveness lead to death rather than to life and growth.

HONESTY VS. DECEPTION

There is no way to build a lasting, healthy relationship on a foundation of dishonesty. Honesty must be at the core of a relationship; there is no substitute for it. Unhealthy relationships are maintained under the cover of some sort of deception.  Dishonesty is a very hard habit to break. Without accountability, and intimacy in relationships is impossible.

IS YOUR PEOPLE PICKER BROKEN?

Are you a sucker for unhealthy relationships?  The quality of our important relationships can tell us a great deal about how much safety we are receiving. The book “safe people” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend list the following questions as a guide to determine this:

  • Are you the “giver” in relationships, rather than having a mutual give and take?
  • Do you find that people approach you when they want something from you, and less to simply spend time with you?
  • Is it difficult for you to open about your real feelings and problems?
  • Is it hard for you to see other people as a source of emotional and spiritual support?
  • Do you prefer to be alone to deal with your problems? 
  • Have you become aware of a pattern in which things are okay when you’re not disclosing yourself, but that people withdraw from you when you are honest about yourself?
  • Do you feel that God is the only person who really knows and loves all of you?
  • Do you find yourself choosing people who invariably let you down over time?
  • Are intimate, vulnerable, two-way conversations with others more of a rarity than a regular event?
  • Do you find most of your personal connections revolving more around activities than relationships?

HOW TO FIX IT…

So if you move from one unhealthy relationship to another, you might need some help figuring out the reasons behind this.  A good therapist can help you look at your past to find out the why.  A good life coach can help you change your patterns so that you can have healthy relationships in the future.

THOUGHTS AFFECT FEELINGS

Thoughts affect feelings.  This means if you are having negative thoughts, most likely you are not feeling that great.  But can we control our thoughts?  Or are we just victims to whatever pops into our minds?  My mom used to tell me “Mind over matter”.  I never even knew what that meant as a child, but I finally figured it out.  I can control my thoughts (mind) no matter the circumstances (matter).

Is this easy – no.  Does it take practice – yes.  Is it achievable – yes.  Let’s take a journey and learn how we can control our thoughts.

THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ARE LINKED

Thoughts, in and of themselves, have no power.  But when we actively give our attention to them then they begin to seem real. And when we engage with specific thoughts, we begin to feel the emotions that were triggered by these thoughts.  That’s when we enter a state that influences how we act.

For example, if you regularly engage with the thought that you’re a failure and feed more attention to it, you’ll start to feel down, worthless, discouraged and perhaps even depressed.

How does your body react to this? You sulk down, slump your shoulders, and project no confidence.

But if you engage with more empowering thoughts, they will boost your confidence and thus trigger a more positive emotions which will then be reflected in how your body reacts: standing up straight, upbeat, and energized.

CHANGE OF THOUGHTS = CHANGE OF FEELINGS

If you want to change your feelings, you must first change your thoughts. Because what you think directly influences how you feel.  How you feel directly influences how your body reacts.  How your body reactions directly influence how you behave. 

“If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.”

ECKHART TOLLE

It all begins with your thoughts—our life experiences spring from the thoughts we actively engage in: You are what you think.

HOW CAN YOU CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS?

There is good news for all of us who desire to transform our lives! Instead of fighting our thoughts, we can learn to use “thought stopping” techniques.  These techniques will help us redirect our thoughts to something that is more useful.

Three helpful techniques to get you started

Interrupt your thoughts with talk.

Try this simple experiment. In your mind begin a mental count from one to ten. At some point, start singing out loud. Anything will do, try “Mary had a little lamb.” Now, did you notice what happened? The instant you started singing your mind stopped thinking about counting. This is what thought stopping is all about. We do something that interrupts our thinking and places our attention on something else. If you don’t like to sing, don’t worry, talking out loud works just as well.

Say No!

Another easy-to-use thought stopping technique to mentally think, or say out loud, “NO!” or “STOP!” each time you have an unwanted thought. Here is how the technique works. When a thought comes across your mental screen that you don’t want to entertain, think, or say an emphatic “NO!” Then, intentionally move the attention to something else, like a positive affirmation.

Thought Replacement

A final, easy to use, thought stopping technique is thought replacement. This technique attempts to replace a thought we don’t like with one that we do. There are many ways of doing this; but here is how it works for me. There is always someone in my life who needs prayer. When an unwelcome thought occurs, I interrupt the thought by saying a short two sentence prayer for the friend who is in need. One week I suppose I prayed at least 100 prayers for a buddy who was dying of cancer! One of the great things about this technique is the ability to stop thinking about ourselves by thinking about the welfare of someone else.

Keep in Mind

There are some things to keep in mind as we use these thought stopping techniques.

The first is that we should keep the replacement thoughts positive. When we find ourselves going back to that negative thought, we never criticize ourselves for going there in our minds. We just practice the thought stopping technique as quickly as we can and continue.

A second thing, to keep in mind, is that these techniques work best when we combine them with a physical action. It is easier to stop a mental process when we combine a physical action with something like speaking aloud, physically touching something or listening.

A third thing to keep in mind is to be prepared. When using technique one, try and have in mind the affirmations that you wish to say. When using the “Just Say No” technique, see to it that you have an appropriate object in your pocket or purse to touch. Should you use the “Thought Replacement” technique, you’ll need to have a few people in mind to pray for.

Finally – keep in mind that this takes practice.  You can’t change your negative thinking patterns overnight.  You know the saying – it takes 21 days to form a new habit?  For some it may take longer – but practice makes perfect.

Understand and change your thinking

The following list is excerpted from “The Secret Things of God” by Henry Cloud.

  • Monitor and observe it:  Take it captive to obedience.
  • Analyze it:  keep what’s true and reject what’s false.
  • Live out the truth in faith, sometimes despite what you feel.
  • Get to the root of those voices inside – where they came from and who they belong to.
  • Cut yourself loose from the influence and power of the voices in your past.
  • Open up to new people who love you and support you.
  • Internalize these new messages of encouragement and validation that come from the positive people in your life. (The Bible has some great “one another” verses about how we’re supposed to treat each other.)
  • Read God’s Word and other truth-giving and inspiring material.
  • Listen to inspiring teachers and communicators.
  • Memorize God’s word so it will be in your head all the time.
  • Gain new experiences that disprove the old messages in your head.
HARD WORK, BUT WORTH IT!

It is true that this will be hard work.  You will need to be on alert to your negative thoughts.  But the good news is that it is totally achievable and totally worth it.  Give a try for at least 21 days and you will see some great results!  If you need some help applying some of the principles above – get into therapy or hire a life coach. Don’t let thoughts affect feelings!

Born To Be an Optimist?

Can you be born an optimist?

What is an optimist? An optimist tends to find the upside to the situation. Optimists tend to figure out ways solve that problem, or ways to turn it around.  On the other hand a, pessimist throws up his hands and gives up. They might yell, “That’s it; it’s all over. I can’t handle this anymore.”  Or he will distance himself from the problem, pretending it doesn’t matter.  This is denial, and it never works.

According to the world’s foremost expert on optimism, Dr. Martin Seligman, everyone is born optimistic.  And yet, 95% of grownups are pessimists, not optimists.  What goes wrong?  Some people see the glass as half empty.  Others see it as half full.  But, is it as simple as that?  Is it possible to be a bit of both?

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

Helen keller

When you think about it – most people tend to be both. An optimist sometimes and a pessimist other times.  Ironically, a lot of times things turn out according to how we feel about the situation.  If a person feels like something will go well or feels optimistic about it, it usually seems to go well. The same is true of the reverse – when someone feels like something will go badly, it tends to do just that.

Pessimism

An indication that you are dealing with a pessimist is in a simple phrase they will use in stressful situations – “I can’t”.  The pessimist is helpless, powerless and it shows in his response.  On the other hand, the optimist responds with – “I won’t”. They a conscious choice, not just reacting.

A Born Optimist

So an optimist prefers to think more positively.  They focus on what they really want, not what might happen to them.

Think about the following statements:

  • Optimists achieve their goals because they never give up
  • They attract Success naturally
  • Optimists are happier, healthier, and more energetic than pessimists
  • Optimists are easier to be around, inspiring people around to be positive
  • They live longer and suffer from fewer and less severe diseases
  • Besides the above, optimists lead higher quality of life

These are all probably true just by the fact that optimists’ positive thinking makes challenging situations “not that bad” after all. 

True Optimism

True optimism is not sitting back, thinking positive thoughts, and hoping everything will turn out all right.  It’s how you see the world, positively rather than negatively.  You face each situation and each problem with a positive attitude. And you always look forward to the “benefits” you will derive from it. “Change your thoughts and change your world,” said Norman Vincent Peale. What it comes down to is that your attitude is a conscious choice. 

If you choose pessimism, you’re choosing to see the downside of every situation. And you are choosing to judge people unfairly, and live unhappily the rest of your life.  What an oppressive existence!

Choose Optimism

On the other hand, if you choose optimism, you’re empowering yourself to see the positive side of each challenge, seeing the good in people, helping them to see the good in life too.  Acting to further improve your own life and living happily with friends and family who care about you.  Attracting all good to yourself. Choosing to be more optimistic and positive does not mean you won’t encounter difficult times, trauma, loss, and many challenges.  What it does mean is that you will have more power on your side to help you through those tough times.  You’ll bounce back faster and make better choices, rather than letting life just wash over you.  You’ll learn to be proactive, instead of reactive.

Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.

voltaire

Furthermore, if you’re not naturally optimistic and positive, don’t worry.  You can learn how to use your thoughts to change your attitude and emotions.  It won’t be easy.  Some days will be incredibly challenging, but you can do it.  Improving your optimism rates is one of the most important actions you can take to improve your life. Optimism doesn’t come automatically.  First, it takes effort and deliberate awareness of your thoughts and feelings.  Then it takes acting on that awareness.

So each time you think a negative thought, stop right there, and turn it around to find the positive aspect of the situation. Do this each time and build on it.  It will become a habit to be positive and upbeat about your life.

In conclusion – a starting point!

In conclusion – here is a starting point:  Practice your ‘positive thinking’ and your ‘positive feeling’.  Give yourself permission to think new thoughts and feel new feelings. Become a born optimist. Do you need help uncovering your inner optimist? Try hiring a life coach to help you look at the bright side.

Be Optimistic! 

Expect the best out of life! 

Just Think and Act Optimistically.

unknown

Boundaries – why do we need them?

Boundaries, why do we need them? OK – I am going to start with full disclosure.  I love learning about and teaching others about boundaries.  I can spot a boundary violation in someone else’s life from 3 miles away.  But if I’m honest – I struggle with setting boundaries.  I have been called a bleeding heart and been told I have an over developed sense of responsibility.  I really don’t like to use the word “no”.  But I do know that boundaries are important – let’s learn how to set a boundary and live free and happy lives.

“no is a complete sentence”

anned lamnont

What is a boundary?

According to websters dictionary a boundary is a line that marks the limits of an area, a dividing line. 

According to Henry Cloud and John Townsend, authors of the book Boundaries A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible.

Why do we need boundaries?

Boundaries are an important tool for helping you structure your life and relationships.  They give you a way to protect yourself from forces, people, and dynamics that will push you off track from achieving your goals, and they can reduce the likelihood that you will become burned out and running on fumes.  Boundaries keep your relationships healthy and beneficial to you instead of unhealthy and draining.

What are some examples?

  1. Physical Boundaries – your body, privacy and personal space are all examples of personal boundaries
  2. Emotional Boundaries – you need to know where you end, and your partner begins.  When you feel guilty, ashamed, upset, and undervalued – boundaries might be needed
  3. Sexual Boundaries – refers to your expectations around physical intimacy
  4. Intellectual Boundaries – showing respect for different views and ideas
  5. Financial Boundaries – these are all about money.  Should we have joint or separate accounts, how much do we save, how much can we spend are all examples of a financial boundary

“you get what you tolerate”

henry cloud

10 rules of boundaries

The first 5 rules

The Law of Sowing and Reaping or Actions have consequences. If someone in your life is sowing anger, selfishness, and abuse at you, are you setting boundaries against it? Or are they getting away with not reaping (or paying the consequences for) what he/she sowed?

The Law of Responsibility – We are responsible TO each other, not FOR each other. This law means that each person refuses to rescue or enable another’s immature behavior.

The Law of Power – We have power over some things, we don’t have power over others (including changing people). It is human nature to try to change and fix others so that we can be more comfortable. We can’t change or fix anyone – but we do have the power to change our own life.

The Law of Respect – If we wish for others to respect our boundaries, we need to respect theirs.

The Law of Motivation – We must be free to say “no” before we can wholeheartedly say “yes”. One cannot love another if he feels he doesn’t have a choice not to. Pay attention to your motives.

The next 5 rules

The Law of Evaluation – We need to evaluate the pain our boundaries cause others. Do our boundaries cause pain that leads to injury? Or do they cause pain that leads to growth?

The Law of Pro-activity – We take action to solve problems based on our values, wants, and needs. Proactive people keep their freedom, and they disagree and confront issues but are able to do so without getting caught up in an emotional storm. This law has to do with taking action based on deliberate, thought-out values versus emotional reactions.

The Law of Envy – We will never get what we want if we focus our boundaries onto what others have. Envy is miserable because we’re dissatisfied with our state yet powerless to change it. The envious person doesn’t set limits because he is not looking at himself long enough to figure out what choices he has.

The Law of Activity – We need to take the initiative to solve our problems rather than being passive. In a dysfunctional relationship, sometimes one person is active, and the other is passive. When this occurs, the active person will dominate the passive one. The passive person may be too intimidated by the active one to say no. This law has to do with taking initiative rather than being passive and waiting for someone else to make the first move.

The Law of Exposure – We need to communicate our boundaries. A boundary that is not communicated is a boundary that is not working. We need to make clear what we do or do not want, and what we will or will not tolerate. We need to also make clear that every boundary violation has a consequence. A boundary without a consequence is nagging.

“when we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated”

brene brown

Developing Boundaries

So on to the practical stuff.  How do we develop healthy boundaries?  The ways are numerous but let’s focus on these 5 easy steps.  Once you are comfortable with these – you can always expand your boundary practices.

  • Be honest with yourself:  ask yourself – do I have a boundary problem?
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once:  choose one boundary at a time to work on and ask yourself – is this worth fighting over.  Not every boundary needs to become a battle.
  • Look at your people picker:  do you choose unhealthy people?  It might be time to make some changes (but that is a whole other conversation)
  • Communicate your boundaries:  don’t expect people to know what your boundaries are.  You need to tell them.  When they violate your boundary – there must be a consequence.  A boundary without a consequence is just nagging
  • Practice saying” no”:  you might want to start small a (like expressing your wishes about which movie to see) and work your way up to the big stuff (like a sexual boundary).  Also, practice with the safe and healthy people in your life – the more you practice the easier it gets 

“boundaries are a part of self care. they are healthy, normal and necessary”

doreen virtue

Now comes the hard part – you have the information – but now you have to apply it. If you experienced trauma in your childhood – you may need help learning to set boundaries. A good trauma therapist can help you sort through and process your past trauma. If you are interested – click here to learn about Rachel Lohrman at Joshua Tree Counseling in Tucson.

Will you join me in my boundary journey? It is hard but definitely worth it!

The Beginner’s Guide to Meditation

Is the daily stress or problems at work or at home getting to you, affecting your life, health, and happiness? Then it is about time to consider some meditation exercises. Keep reading for the beginner’s guide to meditation.

Why Should I Consider Meditation Exercises?

Are you asking yourself whether meditation exercises really work? Are their benefits are substantial? The answer is simple: yes. Meditating presents a range of advantages,: better health, better mood and better sleep Other benefits include, more energy, vitality and focus. You can will also experience less stress, less frustration, and less worries. It sounds appealing, right? Have you been feeling anxious or depressed? Are you having sleep/concentration problems? Consider trying meditation

If you decided that you should give meditating a try, then you need is determination. Meditation exercises don’t require certain tools or complicated techniques. Basically, you just need willpower and desire, to benefit from meditation. You also need a bit of time to allocate to your meditation sessions. Try – 15 minutes every other day. But there is one rule, when thinking about starting to meditate. And that rule is that… there is no successful meditation without relaxation, a complete relaxation of the body and mind.

If I use the beginner’s guide to meditation, will I be able to relax?

We already established that you need to relax to meditate. But is this easy? For a beginner, it might be quite difficult. Most beginners in meditation exercises find themselves thinking about problems/worries instead of clearing their minds and enjoying the calm state. Or others get bored when trying to empty their minds. For sure, these cannot be called “successful meditation sessions”. Still, you should know that you will get better with practice and enjoy meditation completely.

But let’s start from the beginning. To benefit from a complete relaxation, you need to start your meditation techniques at the right time. Kids running through the house and a loud TV, might not be the perfect time to start to meditate. You need peace and quiet. It also helps to have a good atmosphere, a cozy décor or a welcoming environment. After you find a peaceful moment, let your body relax, to push the tension down and loosen your muscles. Feel how your entire body feels better – this will help you clear your mind later.

Are there Different Types of Meditation Exercises?

There is a great range of meditation exercises. What you should do is to try them all and find the one that suits you best. But what are the different types of exercises? You can choose from:

  • Visualization exercises (when you are picturing positive, beautiful elements, places or moments),
  • Concentration exercises (when you are trying to focus on your body’s sensations and stimulants)
  • Breathing exercises (which are used in all types of meditation, as an essential premise)
  • There are many more, including specific meditation exercises that regard a better sleep, better appetite, less stress and other problems that need to be eliminated from your daily life.

Remember, if you want good results, you need to practice your meditation exercises.

Only then will you achieve that relaxed feeling you are looking for.

Boost Your Confidence

Boost your inner confidence! Some might say this is the key to success and reaching your goals. I have outlined 2 ways to boost your confidence below.

There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behavior and practical tips for improving your life. But they are all redundant if the foundation isn’t there. That foundation is the real you. The you that you know deep down you are. The trick is that it takes confidence to find that person and show it others.

Boost your confidence by understanding your core values

Personal values is a topic I love to discuss. They are one of the most important things you can know about yourself. And they are vital in getting genuine inner confidence. Your values are ten thousand feet down inside you, right at the very core of who you are. And they’re the foundations and cornerstones for you. A value is something in yourself, in others or in the world that’s most important to you. They could include things like beliefs, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement or freedom.

Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, demotivated or deflated? It’s because one or more of your values is being denied, suppressed or repressed. And we experience that as a negative experience because it’s denying a fundamental piece of who you are. You know those times when you’ve felt really alive, amazing or buzzing? That is when one or more of your values are being honored, and you can get more of that by living according to them.

Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away. You can have absolute confidence in them because they’re there all the time. And just waiting for you to notice and use them. When you get to know your values, you can start to make choices and align your life around them. It’s simple and it feels amazing because all that means is that you’re allowing the real you to live in the real world.

Exercise the “muscle”

Confidence is a muscle and you need to exercise it so that it doesn’t shrink and waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or glutes your confidence muscle can be harder to find. How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes? By doing exercises that are designed to work that muscle until you see the results you were looking for.

It’s just the same with confidence. Let’s say that you’re the kind of person that doesn’t take many risks. The kind of person who goes through each day doing what needs to be done well but not really stretching yourself. You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too scary. Or because you think to yourself ‘I’m not good enough. That kind of person lives within what they know and what keeps them safe and comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they need to be and so the less confident they become.

To work your confidence muscle you need to be prepared to take risks – big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction. To try something new or try something in a slightly different way. You need to open yourself up to the possibilities around you. You need to push yourself to increase what you know, what you do and who you are. The more open you are to risk, opportunity and possibility – the more confident you need to be, and so the more confidence you’ll develop. That’s your confidence muscle – the question is, what are you going to do to exercise it?”

Build a support team around yourself as you integrate these two practices into daily life. Life Coaches love to help you learn how to recognize your core values and put them to work for you. Book an appointment with one today. Have you been taught that your core values are wrong? Connect with a therapist who can help you process this. But as my dad use to say – “just do something”

Replace the Negative with Positive

REPLACE THE NEGATIVE WITH POSITVE if you want to move your life ahead.  This article will show you how to take the negative influences in your life away and replace them with positives. Focus on the positive for success and peak performance.

DON’T BRING NEGATIVE TO MY DOOR

MAYA ANGELOU

Identify The Negative

Most of us are not aware of the amount of negative influences in our lives.  We are bombarded with negative messages from the media, the people around us, and most damaging of all, ourselves.

The first step in the process in replacing negatives with positives is to identify the negatives and replace with positives. Decide that you will focus on the positive in this world. 

Begin to drastically cut down on the amount of news you take in.  Most people start their day with the news. And of course most of the news is bad news, fires, floods, etc.  Then it is on to traffic and weather, which also stresses the negatives.  So by the time you have finished your coffee, you have had enough bad news to last a week. Does all this bad news make you want to throw open the door and greet the new days? Not quite. 

And how about the way we end the day?  We watch the news at night and get a dose of negative information just before trying to go to sleep.  Is it any wonder so many people have trouble sleeping?

The mood we are in before we go to sleep carries over to the next morning. So you are setting yourself up for starting the next day in a bad mood. Odds are you don’t need all that negative information you are taking in from the news.

Replace with Positive

Replace the news you were taking in with motivational tapes, or uplifting music. Also reading empowering books helps a great deal. Books can be a fantastic way to recharge your life.  Look for success stories, biographies of successful people, etc. and see what works for you.  You will begin to feel better right away.

Cut down on TV time

Your next step is to limit the amount of TV you watch.  A recent study showed that 78% of the people watching TV are not interested in the program they are watching.   So watching TV is probably making you bored at best. And taking you away from activities that would be more fun.  Prime time is the period when most people are watching TV. Try making your prime time by turning off the TV and using that time to move your life ahead.

Eliminate the people drama

Next you need to limit your exposure to negative people.  People don’t realize how draining it is to be around negative people. But they drain your energy and spirit in many ways.  Negative people pull you down, so work to remove them from your life to the extent you can.  Never get involved in the office pity party, or complaint sessions that come your way.   Seek out people that support you and that you feel good being around. And use these people to replace the negative people in your life.  

Stop the negative self talk

The most damaging source of negativity is ourselves.  Most of us generate lots of negative self talk that our minds accept as the truth. Focusing on our shortcomings and problems. Spending our time predicting more bad news for ourselves. Generating lots of fear and worry, while undercutting our ability to try new things, etc. 

ONCE YOU START REPLACING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WITH POSTIVE ONES, YOU WILL START HAVING POSITIVE RESULTS

WILLIE NELSON

Begin to focus on the positive aspects of you.  What are your unique strengths, what have you accomplished, how are you different and better than other people?  Use visualization / affirmations to build images of yourself accomplishing the things you want. And use these to replace the negative images.  Give yourself lots of credit for everything you do right, so you are getting even more positive news about yourself.  Also, set aside three minutes every day to think about all the good things about life right now.  This process will generate good feelings for you that will last much of the day.

Other Helpful Tips and Tricks

Don’t forget to take care of your body.  Eat healthy and cut out some bad habits. Get regular exercise in order to boost your self-esteem while building your strength and endurance, so you can accomplish more.  

Helping others will also help you feel better about yourself.  Take time to get involved in a charity, animal shelter, or other activities that help others.  You will get good feedback from others and develop a genuine sense that you are a good person.  What you put out comes back to you, so make sure it is good that goes out.

In Conclusion

By replacing the negatives in your life, with positives, you will make yourself and probably the world a better place.  You will feel better mentally and physically, plus accomplish many of the things you wanted to.  Nothing is ever accomplished without action, so start now to move your life ahead. If you need help with process – you can always hire a life coach.

10 Time Management Tips

Have you ever thought to yourself that there aren’t enough hours in the day, or felt overwhelmed at the tasks facing you? If you have, keep reading for 10 tips for time management!

Time Management Requires Goals and Strategies

  1. Clarify your goals and strategy

First, write down your aims and ambitions and be very clear. When, you know what you want to achieve it’s easier to make a plan to accomplish your goals

  1. Focus on your top priorities

Next, you’ll be productive and profitable if you identify / focus on the areas most important to you. Work on the fundamentals first.

  1. Schedule time

Literally write an appointment in your work planner (you do have one of those, don’t you?) to set aside a realistic block of time for your priority actions. This reduces anxiety over not having enough time and keeps you focused.

Effective Time Management? Set Boundaries and Build Support

  1. Say no!

Consider Jim Rohn’s suggestion. “Learn how to say no. Don’t let your mouth overload your back.” Always check your schedule before committing to anything new. Don’t allow others to divert you from your objectives.

  1. Create supportive systems

This includes systems for filing, management information and communication. Or maybe build a support system of people to help you “manage” your time. Life coaches specialize in helping you “manage” your time.

Reality Sets in

  1. Take a reality check

Will your current activity have a positive outcome, or are you doing it to avoid something else? Ask yourself – will doing this take me towards my goal? As Peter F Drucker observed “There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.”

Delegate to Improve your Time Management

  1. Delegate!

It’s tempting to do something yourself when you think you can do it faster and better. But consider the long term – delegation now will save time in the future, and if done appropriately can motivate your staff, boost their confidence and help them develop their skills.

  1. Repeat your success

Remember the last time you went away on holiday, and how you got so much done in those few days before you left? What strategies and techniques did you employ that made you so effective and focused? Can you repeat them? Alternatively, imagine you are going away tomorrow and work through today accordingly.

  1. Balance your life

Formally schedule personal activities too, so you make time for family, friends, your health and fun because having a balanced life reduces stress and increases energy levels. Time management is really about life management!

One More Time Management Tip

  1. End the day

At the end of the working day, tidy your desk, make notes about what needs doing tomorrow and prioritize those tasks. You’ll worry less that evening and be prepared and focused the next morning.

Can time really be managed? The answer is no. We are each given 24 hours each day. But you can practice these 10 time management tips to help you gain control over the hours you are given. There is a multitude of information out there on the subject. Start learning tips to help you today.

PERFECTION HALTS SUCCESS

Perfection halts success because we decide that we will wait until everything is perfect before we tell anyone or do anything about our great new thought. This leaves us stuck at the “idea” stage.

Perfection Stops You Success

People say that they’ll start when they have more money, time, learn more, practice more, when the kids are older, etc. The challenge with this is there is no perfect time. The best time to get started is now. Yes, you may need to be selective at first with whom you talk to as there are negative people out there who may try to stop you or shut you down. Yet, I have found that most people shut themselves down by their fears and need to have everything just so. Again, perfection halts success.

I was talking to this lady who wanted to go to a job interview. She had spoken to her sister about the interview. Her sister replied, “make sure you do the interview perfectly, because in this city people know each other and if you blow it, you can kiss your career goodbye”.

WOW, no pressure there. Going into an interview with that in your mind is a good way to blow it. You will probably be terrified, which can cause the mistakes you are trying to prevent. I have heard things like this before, yet most people are not sitting there just waiting to crush other people who come in. I have found that most are kind, generous and helpful. What you need is encouragement and just to do your best. The world does not end with a bad interview.

Success Requires Failure

Reality is much brighter when you look at the most successful people out there. They repeatedly said that they failed their way to the top, that they learned by their mistakes and went on. There are millionaires that lost everything, brushed themselves off and then created more millions. They talked to people and connected with them. You can’t succeed by being a hermit.

We are not born with all knowledge on all things. Are we robots, calculating our every move? Human beings learn by doing. We discover by interacting. And we learn when we communicate our thoughts and ideas. Are there naysayers out there? Yes, run from them. Find the ones who are looking forward to hearing from you and wish to encourage you. You will always learn more and communicate more with positive and encouraging people.

I remember when I read the following about perfection…

About Perfection

It is trying and doing that makes us human. It is the journey not the end that tells us who we are and what we are made of. Perfection is not a means, it leaves no room for variation, creativity and understanding of the process. It is through the trial and error that we gain knowledge and wisdom. We remember and learn more through our mistakes than by what we do perfectly. For if everything were perfect, done perfect, there would be no journey, no life, no adventure…only an end. Don’t let your quest for perfection halt your success. If you need help breaking the perfection cycle, contact me today and I can help you bust through that barrier.